Beauty Toys with Torment

A common phrase that I've heard throughout media, literature and reality is, " Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." A very true and wise statement that reminds me that the world is not as shallow and as vain from its usual comparison. There are a lot of roles, titles and even stereotypes that women are attached with. The main one is being a mother, nurture, and caregiver. Even though we don't have the pressure of being the breadwinner or the protector, instead women are constantly getting compared to other women. There is a constant tearing and judging by other women and men always trying to find the next best and jaw dropping tall drink of water. The pressure women have on our backs to be identified by the word, beautiful.

I grew up with the concept from entertainment that beautiful is a breath taking, 110 pound woman, with flawless skin that is smooth as a babies behind. The feeling that I might not possess these certain qualities overwhelms me with low self-esteem and disappointment. Looking at magazines, movies and television shows made me envious for as long as I can remember. Not having that size two body, and always being self conscious of my weight. At a point in time, I was so worried and depressed about the way I looked. I never wanted to leave the house. The commercials with appetizing meals, and the variety of those break through diets that promised rapid weight loss. It is an up and down roller coaster of emotions that brings anxiety, because looks are so important in the world and you are stuck with the genes God gave you. Doesn't help when the media treats women as a object rather then a human being. All I have to say is that men have it a lot easier then the average woman.

I would be more then happy to be tied down with a man that had six pack abs, but a man that jiggles a little is more than welcomed. The pressure men have to be the next Brad Pitt is far less complicated. I have met some of the most ignorant and prideful to the most sweetest and sensitive men. Not all men are pigs, but being in my twenty's all men are usually thinking about one thing. Lets just say, that it is not rainbows and cotton candy. As much as I hate to say it, our nation sways more towards men being superior to women. Society and personally knowing that there are negative pressures women seem to face. On the other hand, the older and more mature I become and the things that where so important before seems like an easy fix.

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart," that is a quote by Kahili Gibran. Life's journey has taught me lessons that I have learned to appreciate as I have become older. The intentions of the heart, and the awe inspiring feeling of love can conquer any pressure of vain and shallow things that are associated with the outward appearance. The secret ingredient of life's adventure is inner beauty and the matters of the heart. The reason for why my recipe is that much sweeter and it is worth every calorie.

Finding Life's Passion

I've heard it from my mother my whole life, that work builds character and that she isn't a free money dispenser. My mother's wholesome advice inspired me to get my lazy and well relaxed behind, to go get a job. I worked at a pizzeria for my whole high school experience. Let me say, that not only was I an amazing pizza maker, I learned some unwanted lessons of hard labor. Pizza making isn't rocket science but it is an environment that can get intense, confusing, and having my arms and legs in nonstop commotion. I come to find out, if there is a satisfied customer there is a joyous and calm employee. Those horrific moments when the customer asked for no pepperoni and magically they appeared on their pizza, is a mysterious predicament. Getting yelled and threatened at for making tiny mistakes, that is easily fixable. People react like it is the end of the world or their dog just got ran over. I'm sorry to say, ladies and gentlemen, it is only just a pizza. Departing from that job was indeed a bittersweet experience. Making friendships that will last a lifetime but gladly not having the smell of greasy pizza after every workday. Not knowing it, another job landed in my lap, and it has changed my life forever.

The author, William Barclay said,” There are two great days in a person's life -- the day we are born and the day we discover why." I always thought that I was going to do something with art or anything in that general sense. Although, I still do it as a hobby, it is not what I'm most passionate about. Looking down the road I've had the title of; janitor, pizza maker, cashier, sister, daughter and even loyal friend. Some of those are greater than others, but pausing my life and my issues' and having total and complete focus on some one else is a humbling experience. The title I'm most proud and honored to be associated with is, caregiver.

I got the amazing opportunity to work with those that have special needs. I have worked with all ages and mostly work with those that have autism. From very low functioning to very high, the clients that I get to work with have a huge place in my heart that nobody can touch. I'm there to help them along in everyday life, and try to make them the most independent person they can be. Working in this field has made me a very patience and well rounded person. Better preparing me for the outlook on being a mother and the responsibilities of having a child. At times you have your bad moments, although those amazing and loving moments that nobody can take from you, make it all worth it. Being a coach for Special Olympics is a unforgettable and awe inspiring moment. I have never felt so much genuine love and kindness that seem to follow you everywhere you went at that event. I've met a lot of people in my lifetime, and to this day I have never met a greater example of God's love. I hope to have the honor to teach the special needs. Being able to walk beside and spend time with them throughout their life experiences. My job is to teach them new things everyday, but there is no question in my mind that, they are the ones teaching me.

Unexpected Heartache.

Life is a mysterious and unpredictable journey. Knowing first hand, those events that can either make or break a person. Having those certain experiences that are most memorable. From losing your virgin lips, to getting my first taste of a delightful Cafe Rio salad. Life has been a bizarre of a trip and having emotions of an up and down roller coaster. Humans natural born reaction is to judge people by their looks, body language, and personality. As far as I know the first impression to other people is a big deal and says a lot about that person. It is my human reaction to judge someone when I meet them, and I'm not ashamed to say that. On the other hand, I try my hardest not to judge because, I may not know what that person went through, and why that person is a certain way because of their life's journey. For almost a decade now, those people that don't know the truth, have judged my family.

Unfortunately, judgment's evil cousin is rumors. When it is the hot gossip at the time, the rumors spread like wild fire. It is bad enough when it happens to one person but when it happens to a whole family, it is an unwanted mess that you can't seem to clean up. The outstanding selfishness that one person could have, that is resulted in a broken family. That supposedly what my mother thought as her "better half", turned out to be a regret and heartache our family wanted to over come. An amazing mother that had such strength and strive to take down adversity. My brother and I had to get over the fact that someone from our own flesh and blood would do such a back stabbing action. Made me think that the love was all a show and that there was no longer the title of, "Daddy's Little Girl." If I'd focus on the negative, and chose to be the victim for the rest of my life, I would never get anywhere.

Behind every traumatic experience, a positive outcome is just waiting to surprise me. Life steers me in unexpected places that turns out to become a beautiful thing. Being forced to mature at such a young age, resulted in being more prepared for the present day. Being raised by a very strong willed mother, had made me a very independent woman. My mother drilled in my head to always achieve my goals, and never let anyone let me think otherwise. I want to set the record straight that my mom is a amazing and genuine person, and that trial in our families life had nothing to do with her. Over the years, that certain adversity has died down, and we are a more of an optimistic Brady Bunch. Of course, every family has its fights on occasion. In all honesty, what mother and daughter don't have their arguments at least once a month. Also known as P.M.S, that is known for its very short fuse, explaining the random unwanted outbursts. Obviously, that is what I'll blame my mood swings on.

The events that I have been through, have only made me a stronger and better person. The lessons that the people around me have taught me, like the meaning of patience and hope. Some adventures leave their scars, and sometimes they seem like they won't heal. Time can be my worse enemy, although what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. No matter how irritated and annoyed I can get with my family, I'm blessed to know that my mother and brother will never leave me. It is an endless love that nobody can destroy. A good feeling to scratch out the word victim thats associated with my name and replace it with champion.